i have a heartbeat

i'm going in circles again and again.
ive never known being unabashed and breaking completely.
i was out of control. never felt fierce water like that.
it was unfair for it to happen with him at the end of the drive.
seeming as though it was all for that one reason
its significance, yes, is great but not as great that.

i dont think i'll live it down, no probably not.
falling back into a homebody state after events such as these
is never something difficult. almost assumed. its probably more
difficult to leave and put yourself back out in front of them.

i always wonder what would happen if i died in the middle of the day
and id left my room in a mess. who would clean it? who would be the one
to rummage through all my things? finding useless notes, scraps of magazines,
unsent letters...and so on and so forth. i wonder that a lot.

and occasionally you go into a book store, pick up a book,
read the first page and find; humans are all relatively similar, and you're really
not as set apart as you sometimes think.

what have i been doing...